Darth Vader goes Honky Tonk

This is totally stupid, but I haven't laughed this hard at something in weeks.

Well that certainly explains a lot...

I've known for a long time that a lot of people believe that there are aliens visiting earth. After years of teaching high school, that doesn't even rank in my top 10 crazy ideas I've heard.

Based on a recent survey, 20% of people worldwide (or at least in selected countries) believe that aliens walk among us disguised as humans. That number is high enough. But apparently, in China and India, the number is 40%!

I've been pondering that all day today. Did 40% of the people I walked past today here in China believe that there were aliens walking among us? Were those aliens on the street right then?

Or maybe they think I'm an alien. I kind of hope that they do. I'm wondering if I can come up with some way to entertain myself by confirming their suspicions. That would be some good clean fun....

Give Me Some Credit, again

To return to an earlier theme: being "rich" just isn't as big of a deal as you think it is. After all, what place could possibly be richer than California?

To quote one of my favorite movies (Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?, but probably countless other movies as well), "It's all about the money, boys!". Or to be more specific again, all about the credit. And when it comes to that credit, Kazakhstan and Mexico are looking better than California.

This sort of thing is literally keeping me up at nights right now. It's not just California at this point. We're in a tight spot (to quote the same movie again), and the Obama administration is doing nearly everything it possibly can to replicate the problem on a national scale. If that happens, Americans, unlike those Californians fleeing to Utah, don't have anywhere to which we can "R-U-N-N-O-F-T."

Okay, I'll stop quoting the movie now.

Wait a sec, wasn't it set in the Great Depression?

Congress spends your money, and steals my jokes

I'm never going to be a proper blogger at this rate. I've had this post in mind for a week, but I'm only getting to it now.

In a history class several years ago, I was asked the following question by a very sweet, but extremely confused young woman: "How do islands float, anyway?".

Now, being the kind and gentle teacher that I am, I refrained from direct ridicule. However, that has not stopped me from milking that incident for jokes countless times over the years. It has been a very useful addition to my arsenal of "stupid questions", which all teachers collect and reuse endlessly, just to answer the question of "just how dumb could somebody be?"

Well, they could be a U.S. Congressman. Last week, Rep. Hank Johnson - Democrat, of Georgia, stated in a hearing with the House Armed Services Committee, an unexpected concern. Watch and listen.

Yes, that's right. The honorable congressman is concerned that, with an impending influx of U.S. military personnel, that the island of Guam might become overloaded and capsize!

Disclaimers have since been disseminated that Johnson was joking. I'm not convinced, and that explanation certainly doesn't seem to be gaining media traction. It has also been noted that Johnson suffers from Hepatitis C, which can cause disorientation and confusion. On that note, the man deserves sympathy. But why on earth can't he get that sympathy while he convalesces at home, rather than conduct national affairs and vote on how to spend our tax dollars, while all the while worrying about island buoyancy? And, even if the poor man is confused, he can't be the brightest bulb in the first place. His condition might well jumble his thoughts, but it can't generate them out of thin air.

Oh by the way.... When I got asked that question, I did have an answer. I told the girl that islands floated because they were built out of styrofoam. Now you might think that I handicapped her education, but it is now very clear that I did her a big favor. Thanks to me, she is qualified for a good career. The benefits are spectacular, and they hire new applicants every two years.

-AzA